I See You.

Being a Mom is hard. Like real hard. I know this is a universal truth because A) All us moms are always talking about it. #MomLife. and B) Ummm I am mom. Duh! Us moms make it no secret we expect our "not quite as good" better half to step up or get out of the way, but then we turn around and act like they aren't trying or aren't qualified.  There are really awesome dads our there, a lot of them actually. I am gonna be honest with you...I have no idea what it is like to be a dad. (I know shocking, right?) But I expect they get a little sick of the whole of society acting like they are the redheaded stepchildren of parenting.



My Dearest Baby Daddy,

I will never forget when I told you I was pregnant with our first born. I sat there dumbfounded with shock, panicking as I tried to wrap my newly wedded mind around how I got myself knocked up after just 2 months of marriage. You, you sat there calmly, trying to hide the dopey smirk that crept into your lips. Yes. I saw you, sitting there proud, like your biological purpose had been fulfilled and you could at last claim your place in the "my guys can swim" club; proclaiming your male dominance to all future generations.

Our first born didn't sleep through the night the first 18 months of his life. You got up every night and made the bottle and brought the baby to me to feed. I saw you step up without hesitation to care for him, even though your discomfort was apparent. I saw you panic the first time you cared him alone, embarrassed you had to call me because you couldn't get him to stop crying. I saw you beat yourself up, defeated, when I pointed out it was probably because you were using bottles from the dishwasher full of dirty dishes you had forgotten to turn on. Remember that one night I was so tired; I saw you attempt to handle dinner so I didn't have to. You tried to make mac and cheese just the way I like it, but you used balsamic vinegar instead of soy sauce and I refused to eat it.

Our second child was a struggle to conceive. I saw you not say a word as I turned our love life into a machine dictated by fertility charts and ovulation calculations for 18 months.When that 2nd line finally showed the tint of pink you stood across the room and proclaimed joyfully, "We are!" I saw you try to hide the fear in your eyes as you struggled to actualize how we would handle another bad sleeper with a dairy allergy. I saw you struggle to bond with our newborn girl. I saw you struggle with guilt over it. When I was on mandatory OT, I saw you dress her and fix a head of hair that no 11 month old should ever have. I saw you solo birthday parties, surrounded my moms you didn't know. I saw you feel like a failure when I made sure to tell you how they texted and alerted me to how ridiculous my daughter looked at the hands of her father's clumsy fingers.

I saw you assembling a swing set in the scorching heat of August for our son's ridiculous 6th birthday present while I sat in the cool air conditioning watching from a window, probably complaining about having to cook dinner. I saw you silently suffer through dinners I burnt beyond recognition juggling feeding, bathing, and rocking babies. I saw you stay up late on Christmas Eve, after all the children's gifts were wrapped and I had gone to bed, to wrap gifts for me, so I would have a surprise under the tree. I saw you, just as busy as me, forget to get me a Mother's Day card and write me a note from your heart and try to lay it on my pillow before I got into bed, which I got angry at you for because I "didn't appreciate being an afterthought." I saw you not say a word when I didn't get you a birthday card/present that same year and told you I would just roll into your Christmas.

I saw you how you held tongue and followed schedules barked at you like orders. I saw you try to rally the children to use their powers for good, instead of evil, before their mother lost her mind. I saw you taking pictures of every moment, so when the party or the ballgame or the concert is over I can see what I missed because I was busying hosting or I was making potty runs with the other child or I wasn't there because I had mandatory OT again. I saw you make sure I could keep the photos and videos forever in the digital time capsule of my Google drive, which you patiently set up and showed me how to use at least 5 times and continue to reset my password each time I forget it, which it is like once every 60 to 90 days. BTW, I need help with that again.

I held our children in those first moments of their life. After surgeries the nurses came and got me.  I have cut you off as I rushed to them when they cried. I make comments like you better "hope I don't die because you would struggle to raise these kids by yourself," I am their mother. I am the most qualified to nature and love them and meet their needs. That is what history and society has taught us all. I believed it and I think you believed it at first, but the truth is we struggle doing it together; and I know there is no way I could do it without you. Let's face it, I am bit cray cray, and our children need you to show them what a level headed emotionally stable human being acts like.

So many moments you stand back. I see you. Standing there, patiently waiting, watching eagerly, just in case you are needed, ready to do whatever you need to in order be there for me and our children; and you are needed. I see you. Stepping up to be a father and an equal partner; and we are equals. You are just as good as a parent, if not better than me. Your role as their father is insurmountably important. I see you share in their joy and their pain. I see your heartbreak and your pride as they are growing up right before our eyes. I see you juggle stress and emotions and difficult decisions far more graciously than I do. I see you parent fail. I see you parent win. I see you nurture our children. I see you provide for our children. I see you advocate for our children. I see you support our children. I see you love our children with every piece of yourself

I see you. The man I fell in love with. My very best friend. My soulmate. Tackling the challenging and rewarding journey that is child rearing with me, without reserve; unwavered by the doubts of a society that say you are incapable. Society is wrong. Fathers are just like mothers. Important.Capable. Nurturing. Loving. Flawed. Resilient. And irreplaceable.

I am thankful and blessed that you put up with me through it all because I haven't made it easy, and I haven't judged you fairly. I haven't given you credit where credit is due; and I am sorry because I see you being an incredible father and husband every. single. day.

I love you always,

Your Baby Momma