Parent Fail 517 - Only Human

It was a particularly hard week. I was drained. I had been running empty for weeks. There was yelling. Cursing. Tears. David had had enough. He was blunt and to the point. "You're not acting like a good very mom when you treat them that way. They didn't ask to be your kid." He was right and he knew it. What he didn't know is I how I wept on my lunch break and poured out my heart to my children in a letter they would never read. They are too young to understand the truth about their mother.

To My Children,

I LOVE YOU! I love you more than you can imagine. You are the most important thing on this earth to me and my love for you is all consuming and unconditional.You will not understand how much I love you until the day you become a parent. I know. It's hard to believe because I sometimes fail to treat you in any way the exemplifies love. I yell. I cuss. My tongue is the sharpest of blades that often inflicts the deepest cuts. But I do love you.


Sometimes the weight of our world on my shoulders gets so heavy. I spend all day at work and then come to you, and all the laundry and the soccer practices and the homework and cooking dinner and grocery shopping and toys in the floor and bedtime and the questions and the back talk and Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom...And suddenly I am empty. Faking smiles. Biting my tongue. Supporting you. Playing with you. I try to be a good a Mom but sometimes inside I am falling apart. Giving all you have to another person 100% of the time, holding together this family and our little world, is exhausting...mentally, physically, emotionally. And I am no superwoman. But I do love you.

Rest assured those times I fail are not a reflection on you but are testament to my imperfections. Your mother is not perfect. It shouldn't be a shock. I mean, have you met me? My name is Elena. I am a person and a deeply flawed one at that.  I don't know all the answers. I am short tempered. Patience is a virtue I do not posses. I can't stand to have to repeat myself.  I am not cool under pressure. I get frustrated when I don't understand something. I cry. I am anxious. I am filled with self doubt and insecurities. I make mistakes. OH so many mistakes! I hope you will forgive me one day for all the mistakes I will make as your mother, because I do love you, but I am only human.

I love you more than all the stars in the sky!
ALWAYS.

Mommy

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