I believe lying is a completely valid form of parenting. Bribing too. Let me clarify this for those of you whose jaws just hit the floor...
A long time ago, back when the world as new, when Princesses rode unicorns and Knights in shining armor fought fire breathing dragons, and Elves and Trolls and Fairies lived among us.
It was then, a long long time ago, when a little boy was born. A little boy who loved toys. He love to play with toys and make toys and give toys to his friends. His mommy was very smart lady and she loved him very much. She told him he should play with this toys all day but at night he must pick up his toys. The little boy listened to his mommy and every night before he went to bed he made sure every toy was in its place..
When the boy grew up he became Santa Claus. He wanted to give toys to all the boys and girls all over the world, but he needed help. He knew the fairies were busy helping the Tooth Fairy, so he didn't ask them. All the unicorns were being rode by Princesses, and all the dragons were busy fighting the Knights in shining armor.
So Santa went to the Elves and Trolls and asked them to help him build toys for all the boys and girls. They both agreed. The Elves were fast workers and they cleaned up the shop everyday, just like Santa asked, but the Trolls were mean and messy and never listened or followed directions. They would make a mess and leave it.
Santa tried very hard to get the Trolls to clean up their mess, but they just wouldn't listen. It got so messy in the workshop that the Elves couldn't find the tools to make the toys. If they couldn't make toys how could there be Christmas!
Santa was so sad but he had to ask the Trolls to leave the North Pole. He told them they couldn't help make toys if they couldn't clean up their mess. He told them until they learned to clean up after themselves he wouldn't be able to bring them toys.
The Trolls were very mad and they left the North Pole. They went the South Pole and thought of ways they could be mean. They decided they didn't want to clean up their messes, no matter what Santa said. They decided if Santa wasn't going to bring them toys they would just find their own toys.
***So at night, when little boys and girls are asleep, The South Pole Trolls sneak into their rooms and look for toys that aren't in their place. If they find toys in the floor or in the wrong place they will take them and keep them for their own. The toys are taken to the South Pole where the South Pole Trolls live. They play with the toys there, until the next day. Then, they throw the toys in the floor and step on them on their way out the door to find more toys that little boys and girls didn't care enough about to clean up and put back in their place.
We lie to our children all the time. Think about it: The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, and most famously Santa Claus. The last one is a hugely manipulative deception aimed at controlling our children's behavior. Kids are smart though. Way smart. Colver is only five and this year he advised me:
He is five people!That Santa Claus we saw at the Court House was not the real Santa...He was one of Santa's helpers. You can tell because the real Santa has a completely white beard and that Santa's beard was grey. And Santa's sleigh wasn't there. I looked for it. (His words).
In recent years, in an effort to rationalize this complete posterous story to our genius children, and because it is SUPER fun, we have added a creepy nosey mischievous elf to the mix. The parents that came up with The Elf on the Shelf were revolutionaries, and their children that copy wrote it and marketed it to the masses were masterminds.
We love our elf. David and I have a lot of fun with him. He isn't too naughty, that would defeat the purpose. Sadly, he isn't too effective either. I mean seriously, like Colver isn't going to make on the nice list for not picking up his toys, and he doesn't, pick up his toys. This past year there were multiple letters from Santa advising of his dyer situation if he continued to leave a dirty room. Colver's Elf even had to stay at the North Pole, TWICE, to have special emergency meetings with Santa where he petitioned the Big Guy not to put Colver on the naughty list. Colver still wouldn't pick up his toys!
SO we had to get a little creative. We unleashed The South Pole Trolls! They were VERY effective! Colver's room was spotless! And his behavior was perfection! This got him off the naughty list and saved Christmas!
THEN...it backfired...Christmas was months ago. MONTHS AGO!! Now every night Colver goes to bed without picking up all his toys (Which is Every. Single. Night.) he asks if the South Pole Trolls are coming. Normally this occurs after he is supposed to be in bed. The lights are out and all is quiet, when suddenly, David and I hear weeping from Colver's room.
What's the matter, Colver?
The South Pole Trolls are going to come and take my toys! *Colver sobbing.You and I both know what this is; Colver's ploy to get out of bed. He didn't do what he was supposed to before bedtime so he hopes we will let him clean his room after bedtime to save his toys. Not. Gonna. Happen.
Something else that isn't gonna happen...The South Pole Trolls coming. Let's face it, by the time I get him and Caisley in bed I am exhausted. I didn't even put the laundry away. I am sure as hell not going to go South Pole Trollin' for toys at bedtime. Hell NO!
So what do I do? I lie. That's right. I said it. I started this mess with a lie and I am gonna end it that way.
See there is a South Pole Troll tracker "online." *wink wink*. Where Mommies and Daddies can go and see where the South Pole Trolls were last spotted. They have been to Arizona, Delaware, Atlanta, Denmark, Germany... Once they spent a week in Argentina. (It's a long country. That's what we told Colver when he questioned us after the 3rd night anyway. Doesn't matter. He don't owe a globe. MUHHAHAHAHA *maniacal mommy laugh.)
The South Pole Trolls are never coming, but he doesn't know that.
JUST GO TO BED!
***
Epilogue
As I write this, I am having a phone conversation with Colver, who is at my mother's house to spend the night because Icemegeddon 2015 has closed schools for tomorrow...
Mommy, I love you and I miss you. Be careful if you have to get out and drive anywhere because it is icy.
I love you and miss you too.
Mommy, watch out for the South Pole Trolls! *Colver anxiously.
I will. I promise. *See I told you.
Be sure to check the thing and see where they are at. *Colver concerned.
I already did. They aren't coming tonight. They are stuck at the South Pole. There is too much ice. *Liar. Liar. Pants on Fire!
WooHoo!! *Colver cheered enthusiastically.
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