Parent Fail 504 - The Day that Science Died

Remember Parent Fail 502, my son's antisocial episode, complete with growling and creepy stalkerish stare down. Well that happened the day before this...


Colver started Kindergarten this year.  My big hearted goofball went out into the big bad world...young, impressionable, defenseless...And he loved it! (Except first thing in the mornings, he hates it then.) One of my favorite parts of the day is hearing about what he did at school, although his normal recount is a simple and unenthusiastic, "I don't know."

After a particularly busy Monday, my husband was putting Colver to bed as I was cleaning in the "I don't know if I should be concerned?" He then proceeds to tell me about the conversation with Colver that he just finished...I was not laughing!  We both go into the bedroom (a united front is best); Colver needed to know this was serious. After some prompting, Colver agreed to tell us about his day at school. It went a little something like this:
kitchen. The hubs comes out of the bedroom and remarks, half laughing,

We went for a walk and we were looking for a squirrel and it wasn't next to a tree but Ana had a good eye and Mr. R picked it up and inside it was covered in worms and an animal BIT HIS HEAD OFF!!!  IT WAS SO COOL!!!!!

NO! WAIT! DEAD SQUIRREL! WITH HIS HEAD BIT OFF!! WHAT?!?! With the Sunday's creepy stalker episode fresh in my mind, combined with my anxious high strung pessimistic dooms-day personally, flashes from episodes of "Dexter" filled my mind. I immediately jumped into action; as his mother I had to save him.

No, it isn't cool. It is gross and sad.  *I was stern.*  
     
No mom, it was cool! *Colver, adamantly.*

Son, it is not cool. What if that squirrel had babies and now those babies don't have a mommy? *Colver's smile flipped instantly into a frown. I had hit home...victory!*

Mom, what if that squirrel's babies were all grown up and they don't need their mommy anymore? *Are you kidding me?! AGH! My baby will not be a serial killer!*

Well what if you were all grown up and you didn't need me anymore and someone bit my head off!? Wouldn't that make you sad?  *Ha! Yes! Point made!*

Yes. *Colver's eyes filled with tears.*

Well those babies squirrels are sad because they don't a mommy anymore. It is sad when animals die. Not cool. It's sad. It isn't cool son. *I was serious and sincere. Bringing it home.*

Mom, it's Mother Nature! It's science. It's called Mother Nature. That is what is does. *Colver, shamefully, fighting back the tears.*

AH Shit! I just ruined science for him! I ruined science for my kindergartener! I felt horrible. Awesome job Elena!

***
Epilogue

After talking to "L"'s mother, who received a much more detailed (thank God for little girls) and far less creepy account of our children's first encounter with the life sciences, I was able to better understand the event, which ultimately left me feeling even more foolish.  It appears Mr. R had somehow come along a dead squirrel, among other small dead animals, and he placed them in a cooler and brought them school. Then, as part of his science lesson, he took the class outside and explained mother nature and life and death and decomposition (blah, blah, blah, more science words) to his class and together they left the unfortunate souls outside "to see what happened." (AH learning!) They returned after a couple weeks to see and record the results of their experiment. They learned many things, among which was that dead animals can be food for other animals, hence the squirrel with the missing head. Mr. R. played the role of Mufasa, explaining the circle of life to his impressional proteges, who eagerly listened, soaking up knowledge and developmenting a deep love and interest in science, which would serve them throughout their educational career, perhaps ending in a career in the sciences...changing the world...curing cancer...developing a warp drive allowing for interstellar travel...except Colver, his future will be meek and meaningless thanks to his crazy mother. In my defence, an email advising of this unique lesson plan would have been nice.